This is probably going to invoke alot of anger in alot of people but its one I've wanted to write about for a long time. Y'see I'm part of a family that live on very limited income. I am a 34 year old female who earns just over a £100 a month with an additional just over £100 from child benefit income. My husband works every day (non stop I might add) and pays for absolutely everything within our lives: mortgage, all of the household bills, all petrol and insurances for cars, and anything that should require funding urgently. My money goes on food and baby necessities like nappies etc. We are left with a single figure once all the bills come out every month and I am unable to claim any further money in benefits.
We cant afford a holiday or a break away. We cant afford to go for days out at amusement parks nor can we randomly decide to go out for lunch over the weekend. Any plans over the weekend HAVE to be free and if we go to any parks or any organised family fun days I have to take a packed lunch and not buy anything out. We don't go clothes shopping we simply look for second hand or free donations, I havent purchased new underwear for myself since the first time I fell pregnant with Liv and I purchased maternity knickers - I still wear these. I cant afford to have a hair cut and will trim and dye my hair myself. I no longer get my nails done, nor do I ever eat out with the kids. When I take the girls out, the only money we spend is from their family benefit which I get - normally the activity is soft play or something cheap, however now I have to start paying for Paige it is making life harder. The kids will sometimes (rarely) eat out but I will not, I will go without. I don't go out to socialise separate from the girls as every penny of my money is allocated to the girls and the various items they require such as food and toiletries. A date night for me and mark hasn't happened in a while and the last time we spent money on each other was I cant even remember when.
Whilst this is just the life we lead, let me tell you how hard every day is: from the requests from the girls for various things (even down to wanting a fruit shoot I cant afford to buy) to having to say no to friends and activities (whether for me or the girls) as we simply cant afford to do what other people do. Every day I look at others on social media: Instagram and Facebook and want to cry. Mum's having time out with their kids in a coffee shop, days out at fun looking places, shopping hauls and videos showing off what they spent. My food shopping is calculated down to the nearest penny - I write everything down and take a calculator to work everything out before we get to the till because I'll literally only have a £20 note to spend (I dont own credit cards)
Alot of people will moan at this post because why on earth are we deciding to have another child when clearly we cant afford it - the reality is, we didn't plan to have another baby so soon. A 3rd was always part of lifes plans but just not this soon and it hurts to think that here we are, I cant even afford to buy the new baby clothes (it's a boy this time and all we have is girls stuff) so we are literally having to see what we can find second hand. I quite often cant sleep at night through feeling so guilty that tomorrow I cant give the girls what all their friends are having, or how am I going to work out what Im going to give them to eat thats remotely healthy.
People sometimes look at us and think we must have no money worries - Im a lady who doesn't work for heavens sake, the truth is, I cannot AFFORD TO WORK. I work in the evening (although have just gone on maternity leave) but as much as Id love to go back out to work full time I have no childcare for the girls and simply am not qualified enough to get a job that pays more than the childcare costs and surely whats the point of going out to work if all you're paying for is for someone to look after your kids?!? Everyone assumes I am lucky to be a SAHM but let me tell you my everyday life is filled with immense guilt and worries, the only solace I seek sometimes I spending time with my girls and how much love I feel for them.
Sometimes I feel bitter but most of the time I feel sad, and under immense pressure (and so must my husband). I wish I was like other families and could give my girls better but I am simply keeping my head above water to give them the minimum of which I can. Sometimes Instagram, Facebook and Twitter can deceive you, not everything is at it seems. I felt the need to write this because I feel no-one talks about the drain a family can have, how sometimes the benefit system doesnt support those that arent the obvious ones that need it and this is a really taboo subject. Money is often seen as something you shouldn't talk about but yknow what, this is something that can have a huge impact on every day life which obviously can then in turn affect your mental health.
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