Two years...

Holy crap, Liv turned two. I mean, TWO YEARS OLD GUYS! I can barely remember what it feels like to not have children (well, I do, and let me tell you it was a darn sight quitier, cleaner and stressfree) but at the same time my life IS Liv, she is my day and night. When Liv turned one it was more of a happier occasion for me - yes it was sad that the time seemed to of flown by but at the same time I was kinda glad she was a year - this was the time that everything got a little easier right (and she slept more yes) However with this second year I can't deny that it really bitter sweet.

Liv has changed beyond all recognition since her first birthday - the year in the run up to turning two I think must contain the most changes in a baby into a toddler - obviously most children start walking and then babbling, going into talking and this was true with Liv. She morphed before your very eyes, daily, into a little lady. Day by day, little by little she does something different, something more advanced, something more grown up, something that manages to make me giggle. New words, new mannerisms, new bolshy grown up girl behaviour. I look back to her first birthday in utter awe - HOW was she ever that small and shall we say innocent and this is why it is so difficult to see this 2nd birthday come bounding in.

I stil remember when Liv was a baby I was warned taht time really does fly and even in her first year I believed it to be true, but none more than the year to two. I feel like Ive barely blinked and its gone. Of course, alongside the year that has just gone has come its more troublesome times - I mean they dont call the terrible twos exactly that for no reason! Liv has developed a stronger sense of character, and determination and alongside this has amazed me with her stubborness and sometime temper tantrums that come part and parcel - however overall, Liv has blossomed. I couldnt be anymore prouder of her than I am right now.

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So, for her birthday we had PLANNED to throw a themed party, but after Liv's baptism and celebration I was exhausted and the thought of having to host another party and go to all that effort honestly left me in a cold sweat! and so we decided to have a very low-key 'beach' themed celebration in our garden with close loved ones and it was so much fun! Liv had great fun and most of all it was  so easy for me too - it was so unstressful! There was no mad decorations, no party bags, no crowds of people, little expense for us it really was such a joyous day. We had cake of course - I mean its not a birthday without cake and to follow on with theme 'beach' theme I baked Livs birthday cake in the style of a beach - it came out alot better than I ever expected! The sun shone the whole day and there were so many lovely moments for Liv and us to remember!

For this years birthday we got Liv a wendy house, which was second hand and she fell in love with. We put down some fake grass so Liv could have her own little garden and hung some summery bunting - I wanted to live there!
So as much as it was so bittersweet to see another year pass in her tiny life, it was definetely a good way to celebrate - with those who are important to her. And just like that, shes two, and as for me, I shall still hold onto those baby years and probably call her my baby forever but I will try my hardest to look to the future and be excited to see the person she grows into when she turns 3!

Placenta woes

I've been pretty laid back about this pregnancy, and in fact my first pregnancy seemed to go relatively ok minus slight high blood pressure towards the end and of course there was a side to me, a very large side, that believed this pregnancy was going to be exactly the same.... why wouldnt it be? Well, my placenta had other ideas.

I dont know about you, but I was a little bit dumb when it came to anything understanding my placenta or positions of the placenta, of course I knew it done a very big and important job but after my 20 week scan I found that my placenta had positioned itself both very low and anterior. When the sonographer first told me I kinda batted an eyelid and when back to staring at the picture of my unborn bubs on the screen, it wasn't until she said she was going to have to refer me back to my consultant to discuss it further,  did I realise that this indeed could be a problem.

I was handed a leaflet and was sent on my way. I was confused. I didn't really understand what was wrong, why it had happened and what it meant for the remaining part of my pregnancy. There was an element of disappointment also: I mean Id had a near on perfect pregnancy first time round and a good labour, I was so set up in this safe little cocoon second time round presuming everything was fine and there it was in big bold letters in the leaflet - PLACENTA PRAEVIA.

Placenta praevia is basically a complication of pregnancy where the placenta, that feeds the growing baby, is attached to the lower part of the womb which can either be near to, or completely covering the cervix, and for those who aren't too sure - you kinda need space near the cervix so y'know, baby can pop out! Most of the time this condition is picked up in the 20week scan (like mine) however some women experience bleeding which can also lead to this diagnosis.
So, what's the symptoms? Bleeding. Any bleeding from placenta praevia at the entrance to the womb in the second half of the pregnancy can be heavy and a risk to the baby and the mother's health and obviously alongside bleeding is the risk of anaemia, pale skin, rapid and  weak pulse, shortness of breath, or low blood pressure, and of course alongside this the majority of placenta praevia cases are delivery by c-section which is something I really didn't want. In some cases of placenta praevia the placenta will in fact move up as the uterus grows and so with this information I spent my days just hoping that this would be me. 

When I talk about how it made me feel Im fully aware that it makes me sound like a complete twat, however after hitting 30 weeks I was still told that my placenta was still in the same place so Im not afraid to admit I felt beyond disappointed and sad. For me it felt like despite my body doing this amazing thing and making a baby, it was failing at the last hurdle and failing to provide the right environment to bring a healthy baby into the world. I think as parents we always strive and want to provide the best possible care for our children and when, as a woman, you're pregnant, you feel so much responsibility to keep this thing safe and well, my body wasn't doing that. The thing I found hardest was when people would ask why I'm having so many scans and having to admit that my placenta was covering my cervix. I felt a certain amount of embarrassment having to tell them that actually my body wasn't performing like others, even more so when it was in comparison with other women that were pregnant at the same time as me! 

The other thing which I found really hard to stomach was the fact I felt like I couldn't plan for the birth. Everything felt so up in the air that it seemed confusing to plan for either a c-section (something which I really didn't want) or for a natural birth which seemed like such a distant idea. My consultant and midwife unfortunately left me feeling very much 'up in the air' as they were all 'lets just wait and see' which I know isn't their fault but it felt so very vague, which was a stark contrast to their rather stern talking too that they gave me initially about the diagnosis - I've never been more frightened by the 'no sex' talk they gave me! 

And so, I was left to wait it out.....  which as any pregnant woman knows is ruddy HARD WORK. I made the mistake of obviously googling everything too which I think probably wasn't such a good idea but I was lucky to have a few really good friends who made me feel it was ok which is key. 

I am however now 35 weeks pregnant and just this week I have finally been told that my placenta has indeed moved out of the way to clear me for a normal labour which, of course, is music to my ears, but I am not out of the woods yet as I still have my high blood pressure to keep under control and positioning of baby! Keep those fingers crossed!

I'd be really interested to hear more about your placenta stories - did anyone have a placenta that didnt move? if yours moved did you go on to have a natural vaginal birth?