My first pregnancy went pretty much simply.. there were elements of surprise like every single pregnancy but overall there was nothing that worried me. I was lucky. So of course, it's part and parce lto just assume that my second pregnancy would go exactly the same right? WRONG.
Let me first say, that by no means is it the worst case scenario, but this whole pregnancy has taken me and my health by surprise.
First up there was falling pregnant in the first place. After being diagnosed with a chronic bowel condition and being on strong drugs for a long time and having various operations the chances of me concieving were pretty much nowt. I was told by the Dr to pretty much expect a case of secondary infertility and with that my dreams of having a second sproglette disappeared. For someone who never thought she'd have children in the first place the way the news hit me shocked me more than I could've imagined - however I guess one managed to make it through and there I found myself seeing two lines on that magical little stick.
I knew that the chronic bowel condition could lead to complication is I was so lucky as to fall pregnant and for this reason alone I was told I would be under consultant led care rather than midwife this pregnancy, however due to my family history with high blood pressure and in my late pregnancy I had slightly raised blood pressure it meant my problems were going to be slightly exasperated. I've had endless trips to both my GP's for BP checks, and to the hospital for meetings with my consultant to check how Im doing which was fine - both of these scenarios I was already aware of an felt mentally I could handle them.
As some of you may already know, I had my 20 week scan the other week (a little late than expected) and we found out we were expecting another little GIRL, however alongside this we were told that
my placenta is low and therefore I was going to need more monitoring. I hadn't read much into this and awaited my antenatal clinic appointment at the hspital to talk it through with my consultant, and this was when I was well n truly scared out of my wits. The very kind, lovely Dr told me all about the risks of a low lying placenta, mine is partially covering the cervix (TMI), the hope that it might move, the emphasis on what to do if I start bleeding, the fact there is a high chance of bleeding, how I might need to be admitted to hospital for bedrest, I was told no sex (as if Id be doing that anyway) heavy lifting and to avoid any trauma and of course my risk of now having to have a C-Section delivery, something I can't even process right now. I've been given two extra scans to check on the baby for both growth (due to blood pressure) and positioning of the placenta. I am also back to the clinic in 4 weeks again.
In the car on the way home, I cried. This was all so scary to me. This teeny tiny baby that was, in my mind, growing healthily, was depending on me and my body to take care of it, to nurture it and here I was being told that my body wasnt doing as it should. I had risks coming out of my ears for various things and all I could feel was disappointment. Obviously we dont get to pick the hand of cards we are dealt with, but all I could see before me were women with simple pregnancies, all getting that amazing birth and for me I felt like my options were diminishing before my very eyes. After looking into the placenta issue a little more I have heard from so many of you that it is actually quite common for it to be found on the 20 week scan and then move into a more preferred position after, obviously I can only hope I am part of this group. I felt a bit silly after saying I was quite upset by it as I know many of you have had the same news as me and everything has turned out ok. It's weird, I felt like this body of mine was letting me, my husband and my unborn child down. The baby was healthy, it was ME who the problem was with, my body was failing at doing the one thing it should be doing.
I guess there is no other option than to wait and see, which for anyone who knows me is like torture. Im going to try and channel my energies into thinking positive... thats gotta help right?
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