Im talker, I love talking - to pretty much anyone and everyone. Im not necessarily good at it but I like it. I dislike silence and will always be that person who fills it with mindless chatter, thats just who I am. However as the days go on I'm becoming a little tired of my own voice - the shouting one.
I've always thought I'd be a calm mother, and y'know what I pretty much was... until Liv grew a whole new personality overnight and this is when it started, all day long, every day "don't touch that, dont do that, come here now, no, yes, dont you dare, if I have to tell you once more" these words not only make me sound like my mother but they are also the most used phrases used in my house. Liv is now 19 months old and with that has developed a defiant personality. She is beginning to push boundaries even I didn't think existed and I'm not gonna lie to you - its pushing every button of mine.
I thought the whole tantrum-thing was almost imaginary, deeming Liv a placid child who didn't show any inkling for the need to tantrum and not do as I say, but here we are, Friday the 17th February and mostly this week I have spent my time witnessing a whole new side to Liv and consequently being sick of the sound of my own voice. Dont get me wrong she's not being intentionally naughty but there is an element of defiance, going against what I've said JUST because. I know some of you may argue its the way I parent (I've always been on the softly softly side of parenting since she was born) and now I'm reaping the not-so-nice benefits, but in all honesty I actually dont know where I've gone wrong?!
I emergency text my friend the other day in some desperation over the sheer horrible-ness of Livs behavior and these exact words were typed out "it's like she hates me" because at that moment in time it really was like she did. I'm not sure if any of you other mothers agree, but the moment your child looks at you like that - well, that can make you feel all kinds of s*** and worst of all, I caught myself shouting at Liv. Who the hell have I become???
Catching sight of something that you swore you never would do is pretty HORRID, and it's constantly playing on my mind. Do I want to become that mum who spends her entire shouting at her child? Will my child rebel at me shouting and end up shouting at me? If I dont shout how the frick do I get over the tantrums? How do I make myself feel like Im controlling the situation? This part was NEVER included in my baby book, this was never discussed in my antenatal classes. and the worst thing ever... is my child just really naughty and am I the only one suffering?
If anyone needs me I'll be the one hiding in the corner....
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