Can you ever be thankful for Cancer?

If you had asked me the above question back in February, I probably wouldve laughed in your face and drop kicked you at the same time: Thankful for cancer? What kind of sick planet are you living on? Fast forward until now and what is my answer?

Yes - I am absolutely thankful.

Cancer is probably the most bitter and twisted double edged sword I think Ive ever come across. I hate what it has done to my body, relationships and my childrens anxieties. I however, love the diagnosis because for once I finally feel like I know what happiness, love and fulfilment really is. 

I have always been materialistic to a certain extent - always wanting to look good, to give off a good impression, spending far too long worrying about what everyone else thinks of me. Worrying about my hair, my skin, my clothes, conforming to 'fit in'. Spending money like its water on insignificant items. Abusing my body with yoyo dieting, binge drinking and allowing myself to burn the candle at both ends. Wasting time and energy on non-existent relationships that brought me nothing but sorrow, anguish and upset. Not fulfilling myself, my dreams and my aspirations and just 'making do'

But in just one sentence my alternate reality changed. Hearing "I'm so sorry but it is Cancer" is not something you really EVER want to hear, but this was, and I truly believe it, my slap in the face. Who gives a flying fcuk how much money you have. How big your house is, how nice your car drives or what the hell you're wearing - JUST BE YOU. The stark reality is, if you don't have your health, love or family and friends then you really have to worry.

I have come to find out alot about myself - I'm probably not as damaged as I have always believed: of course, I am not perfect in any sense of the word, but I'm not too shabby a person. I love fiercely and again this isn't a bad thing. I am loyal and passionate. I would run to the ends of the earth and give my life for my children. I have also realised I'm strong when I want to be. The amount of times throughout all of this I have wanted to stop and I haven't proves this. 

I see things clearer ( I have a long way to go mind) and I appreciate the teeny tiny things alot more, I dont stress the small stuff and have a particularly annoying habit of saying "lifes too short" but overall I think my viewpoint has changed significantly and ultimately, despite suffering from some pretty nasty side effects on treatment, this all pales into insignificance when I really think about whats important and why I am doing it - so thank you Cancer for opening my eyes.

Mindful parenting

Now, Im not going to lie to you, I am really not any expert in being mindful or even staying remotely calm or patient in life BUT I am most definitely seeing the appeal of living a more mindful life, not just for me, but for the girls too.

We live in a day and age that is oh so disposable, selfish, fast paced and at times lacking of any depth and it scares me to think that my girls have to try to grow up gracefully and carefully in this day and age without seeing them fall subject to the bad side of the way people live. So I have been looking into living a more mindful existence with the girls and practicing parenting with more mindfulness in well, mind. Like I first said, this is not something I feel I know ALOT about - I mean I try, and I work really really hard to be more mindful of my surroundings and the way I conduct myself but I also lack  ANY kind of patience, I am swayed by anything remotely social media wise and spend alot of my life comparing my life to others, which is well, just a little shit.

Liv is a timid character, she doesn't like confrontation, doesn't like shouting and is easily overrun by very large characters and large crowds. She's a real thinker and it takes ALOT for her to open up to anyone. My decision to be more mindful was predominately more with her in mind, but it is something I'm trying to practice more myself so in turn I would like to parent and raise my children more mindful.

So, err, how do you BE more mindful when you parent? Well thats a little easier said than done to explain. I began by reading... reading alot. I've read many articles about how to begin the mindfulness journey, some of the books I've read I will link to below, but here it is, some of the pinpointers I have used to try and parent more mindful.

Be more mindful yourself

What is it they say? Practice what you preach? Well, exactly this. You wouldn't teach your kid how to tap dance if you couldn't do it yourself would you?! I've been trying to make more of a conscious effort to live a more mindful life (easier said than done with two kids and being constantly stressed) Firstly I've been trying guided meditations whenever I get a chance, so normally late at night. Admittedly they do make me fall asleep but the thought is there!

Why do you want to teach your kids?

To be fair when I first got thinking about mindfulness and teaching it to the girls I wondered whether this would give me some kind of miracle technique to somehow abolish tantrums and bad behaviour - I WAS WRONG. Mindfulness is all about being aware of thoughts and feeling both inside and out. Being aware of their surroundings, to recognise when they're minds have wandered. Dont set your expectations too high - remember there is no changing a toddler!

Practice breathing

This is something I've always done with Liv to a certain extent: Liv can sometimes really work herself up - she used to do this so much she'd hold her breath and turn blue (I KNOW!) and so I used to guide her through breathing: slowly and calmly. I'd breath with her and get her to focus on me. The ideas are the same. Maybe try and play a game with your little ones where they watch the rise and fall of their breath - using toys or simply watching their belly. Bedtime is normally a nice time to do this.

Go for a walk

This is the easiest of all mindful activities to do - simply go for a walk with your little ones, leave your phone at home and talk to them about what they notice about their surroundings. Ask them to spend a minute listening to the sounds and after a minute get them to tell you what they can hear - this is incredibly soothing for everyone involved!

Ask them for a personal weather report

Sounds a bit silly but asking how they're feeling is a great way to practice mindfulness, however being a kid the chances of them being able to articulate the way they are feeling properly is slim to none. For Liv we use the weather to compare how she is feeling - sunny, shiny and happy, or overwhelmed and cloudy. Sounds silly but it really helps Liv to be aware of how shes feeling and understand that its ok to feel whatever she does feel.

Happy Memories

I often ask Liv to tell me at the end of a day or week what she really enjoyed doing or seeing. Remembering a time that made her especially happy is so cute and lovely and also ALWAYS makes liv smile again - its so lovely to hear.

If you're looking to read up more about activities and how to teach mindfulness to your kids in more depth there are a couple of books that I've read that I would definitely recommend:

"Sitting Still Like a Frog - Mindfulness exercises for kids"

I found this a nice, simple and clear book about practicing mindfulness with the girls.Has good sections on falling asleep more easily, alleviating worry and managing anger. A nice little read.








Mindful Monsters

This fab website is a monthly subscription pack whereby each month you will get a pack of seven activity cards to enjoy with your kids, all inspired by mindfulness. The cover subjects such as Creativity, Relaxation, Positivity and Concentration. Costing £7.50 each month I really like the idea this.

Overall, I'm really enjoying trying to be more aware in life and if anything, it certainly opens your eyes a little more to the way kids think, and to concentrate more on the here and now.