I never ever thought about what it would be like to have two kids whilst I was pregnant with P for two reasons: 1 - I was already busy enough with a certain little lady and 2 - I was afraid that If I actually thought about it too much, I would be put off. As a parent of just one I had got myself settled yknow - we were in a routine, me and Liv had each other down to a tee: I could tell what her actions would be like depending on her moods, she knew how I would react to certain things - we were kinda as one if you get me, and life was relatively easy, but enter another baby, and well, noone can guess what those little mounds of flesh are going to be like.
And so, with little P's arrival and 5 months down the line, here's what I know now about life with two:
- you think you couldnt pee in peace first time round? You're lucky if you even get time to pee AT ALL now. Try to shower? Yeah... good one.
- There will always be one child getting ignored: so for me it is mostly P - sounds horrific but Liv can talk and well, we all know what the sound of 'MUMMY, MUMMY, MUMMY' sounds like on repeat... you cant ignore that shit.
- You will always have dirty clothes. So when you had one, the odd snot mark was way more easier to hide, but with two? you are covered. HEAD TO TOE. If its not P vomming on me, its Liv wiping her snotty, dirty hands on me.
- Time is now of the absolute essence. In fact my days are running of that similar to the military. Every hour is planned out to make sure chores are getting done, that we sometimes, occasionally get to leave the house, and the kids are fed and watered.
- Don't ever try to be on time for ANYTHING. It takes me an age to get the two ready and OUT THE GOD DAMN DOOR and therefore I am always late. I am sometimes 30 mins early at the start of the morning, but get close to leaving time? Yep, I'm late.
- Your pace will move. alot. slower. If its not the toddler walking at a snails pace, its the fact you have to carry the life barnacle in the car seat that weighs the earth, forcing you to walk at approx one step per minute.
- Going anywhere takes baggage. I'm talking BAGS. There snacks for the toddler, change of clothes for both of them, nappies for the baby, bottles, formula, the odd random toy, some bribery chocolate/sweets.. the list is endless. And after packing all of that, you can bet your ass you'll forget your purse or keys.
- You will literally lead your life BRIBING the older child. I have to carry around a pack of haribo in order to get the kid to do anything that is outside of what she wants. Don't get me wrong she can be really compliant most of the time, however, normally when Im pushed for time, she will refuse point blank to do what I need her to do. "put your shoes on" SWEETIE. "Can you just be quiet whilst I feed P" SWEETIE "if you pick up your toys i'll give you a sweetie" SWEETIE.
- Just when you think you're going to get sleep, ONE of the kids will become ill and wake. If you manage to get sleep with both babes you have practically won the lottery.
- You will hear yourself constantly saying "not now mummy's busy" to the eldest, that and saying their name for what seems like the 2949586747925 time that hour.
- Illnesses seem to like company so when one catches a bug, give it approx 3 days and the other child will catch it. and then when they are all better, you will contract the lurgy but of course not be able to rest.
- Childcare gets harder. Taking on one child isn't too daunting for friends, but two... well.... two brings a whole new favour to ask....
- Bath and bedtime is err..... MANIC.
- Unless your eldest is potty/toilet trained, be prepared to pretty much spend your day knee deep in nappies.
- Nap times will become the holy grail, and you will also spend from 4pm on official countdown for bedtime.
- Keeping track of what both babes are up to requires SKILLS. Master this one asap.
- The love and cuddles is magnified. You get two of everything and it frigging well is AMAZING. You cant beat a good baby squish cuddle and feeling the arms of you eldest wrapped round you whispering in your ear, they love you.
